Reflections on faith through my daughter’s VSD diagnosis and open-heart surgery this summer.
The older I get, and the more I experience, the more I realize that there are times in life when words really, truly fall short… Perhaps there is a vantage point in the distance by which I can look back and find more things to say–more ways to describe these monumental moments. These moments where the earth shifted, walls cracked, hearts shattered, and faith was like this one hot-cold rope…this burning life-line that became the one tangible thing–the one real thing in our existence.
Yet while faith was the only thing that mattered and the only thing to grasp, it simultaneously seemed so elusive and unreachable at times. But I think the truest thing to say is that when indeed I couldn’t (and sometimes still can’t) reach it,
IT. REACHED. ME.
The word “anchor” has been a description that has resonated through our storm, and what I am realizing is true about an anchor is this:
It does not hold your ship completely still; it does not make you impervious or unaffected–unthrottled by the wind and waves. It is not really a shelter, this anchor, no, but it is a stronghold! It is a source of safety. For though I am still blowing about, sometimes even violently, I am not lost at sea. I am not blown away. I am held to the earth–held to the rock amidst the crashing tempest.
This is what Jesus–what the Father–what HIS WORD has been to me. The anchor of my heart. The anchor of my family. The anchor of my pummeled faith. He has tied His truth and faithfulness around me when my eyes could not stay open. When my hands could not humanly hold on.
Truly sometimes life and faith are not about what we can manage. Indeed, maybe sometimes–maybe even all the time–even when we think we are at the helm of our own ship, controlling our vessel singingly on an open, calm, beautiful, navigable sea–we are not at all in control…but rather so humbly, helplessly, gratefully, sustained and guided. Be it smooth sailing or that dark night on the raging waters, we are utterly saved by that rope by which, we the saints, are tethered. That Savior’s Knot. That Gospel of Grace that will never lose its winding grip from around our flailing souls.
How great and strong is our Anchor! How trustworthy is the Rock that cannot be moved! How sovereign is the One who made the waters, who controls the storm,who holds me in it, and who calms the waves in His time.
How good it is to know that surrender is not only right, but is honestly my only option.
Hebrews 6:19 New International Version (NIV)
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
Thanks be to God.
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